awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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