Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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