So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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