mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
