Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
