Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
