Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
