Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
