I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
