Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
