The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
