Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
