Do you still have your period?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
