its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
