are you so shy because you have an std?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
