As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
