hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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