i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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