Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
