Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize