All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
