i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
