hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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