If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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