Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
