I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize