I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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