did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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