so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
