my mouth tastes like poor choices
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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