Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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