theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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