thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
