No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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