She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
