i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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