ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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