A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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