he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
