Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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