woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize