Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
