dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
