I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
