he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
