Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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