its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
