I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
