Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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