Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
