I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize