just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
