What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
