Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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