a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
