I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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