I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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