so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
