Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
