i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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