my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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