i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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