we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
