Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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