your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
