i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we should paint friendship bongs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
