Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
