You really coming over, don't trick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
