oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
