I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
