everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
