I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
