great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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