none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
