I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
