I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
