Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize