so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
