I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
