It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
