Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
