Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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