I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
