someone threw a dead crab at me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
