A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
