i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
