i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
