i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
